Mimi Smartypants, I laughed until I cried reading about the dead bird with half its face eaten off by ants. Please never stop writing. Also please get a book deal and tour for it and include Boston in your itinerary so I can either forget to get tickets or come to your reading and then be too shy afterwards to come up and say how much I love your writing. Because I am neurotic and fun like that!
This is happily unrelated to Mimi Smartypants, but since we've gotten back from the honeymoon my anxiety levels have gone (back) through the fucking roof. Welcome home! I wondered where that hand tremor had gotten to.
24 May 2008
09 May 2008
I'm glad you're gone because you sucked! *
So, to my regular readers, you may or may not have followed the comment conversation that came after this post. Specifically, there was a comment from Anonymous which I felt needed a fuller response, and thus I am devoting a whole blog post to it.
Here’s Anonymous’s original comment, in its entirety, and below is my response.
Oh hai, anonymous… judging from the content of your comment, Anonymous in this case is my ex husband. I hope you remembered to anonymize the IP address that you were posting from too. Log files and analytics programs, you know. I’m not surprised to see you using Firefox but when did you stop using Linux and go back to Windows?
Reading to the end of that blog was painful,
I have a suggestion for you: stop reading if it causes you pain.
why are you still going on about our marriage,
It’s my blog. I’ll talk about whatever I want. See my suggestion above if you don’t like what I write about.
when you know exactly why we got married. Immigration in the UK was a problem for you and you were so disappointed that you couldn’t stay.
Oh, I see – you married me out of pity, to save me from my disappointment. How noble of you. And here I thought it was because we loved each other. Guess I was mistaken about your motives.
Sure we said we would marry properly in the future but that future never came.
In the intervening years, I’ve learned that if you want a specific event to come to pass, you have to work to make sure it happens. You were never willing to do the work.
It was very hard to maintain a relationship with someone that completely cut herself off from society.
Funny, my recollection of the situation is that you decided to move to New Zealand right after we got married and told me that you were going and I could come or not. This did not leave me a lot of choices. I did move to NZ with you and then … surprise … couldn’t get a job until you got your work permit sorted out. I didn’t cut myself off from society voluntarily, but it is hard to meet new people when you’ve got no job, know not a soul besides your husband who is always at work (or after-work “socializing”), and have no money. Although you dragged your feet on the work permit, you did finally get it sorted and then I was able to get a job. In three weeks. And then once I had a job, I made friends and had a social life. Funnily enough, though, you seem to have forgotten about that – maybe because you hated my friends and thought my job was for shit, though you had no problem spending any money I made from it.
Unreal that you will be wearing a vera wang dress, thought you would be up for something simpler from the Armani Prive collection. What would an underdressed ‘hills have eyes’ character look like walking up the isle with you.
I’m assuming that the “underdressed ‘Hills Have Eyes’ character” comment is a hit at Dave? I'm not familiar with the movie, since one of the nice things about having left you is not having to sit through all those shitty horror movies any more. Your own slack approach to bathing, brushing your teeth, shaving, washing your clothes, etc don’t exactly put you in a position to cast aspersions on anyone else’s sartorial styles.
I only read the posts to see how Interim is doing, she’s fine
If you already know she's fine, why are you bothering to read? Why not go straight to your crystal ball and not inconvenience yourself with all this reading that’s apparently painful for you?
so stop fussing with the vets, she does it on purpose for attention, the more you fuss the more she will do it. She must be costing you a fortune
Oh, you’re right, how deluded I am, thanks for the advice. She must be putting her little paw down her throat to force herself to vomit and that’s why she’s lost so much weight … the only problem is that cats don’t think that way. Crazy manipulative people think that way. YOU think that way.
It would be nice if you could stop posting about me on a public indexable forum
Again: It’s my blog. I’ll talk about what I want. You should stop reading if you don’t want to hear what I have to say.
I have never said anything demeaning about you to anyone, so would expect the same courtesy.
Well, I guess telling me that I’m a stupid cunt who never gets anything right doesn’t count as demeaning. Or maybe I’m not “anyone”, so that's why it doesn’t count as demeaning.
I don’t think you’ve got the right to expect anything at all from me, let alone courtesy. As long as we’re on the courtesy topic, though, I’ll point out that I’ve done you the courtesy of never referring to you by name at all. We never shared a last name so the handful of people in the world who know you and know that you were once married to me AND know how to spell my first and last names could do theoretically do a search and end up on this blog and find out what my opinion of you is, but … I doubt anyone but you really cares.
Remember this is your first REAL wedding so treat it that way and look fabulous...
According to your earlier observations, fabulous isn’t really possible. You should have weighed in earlier about Vera Wang and the groom. Now it’s too late to follow your advice! I'm in floods of tears.
Anyway I wish you all the best with the wedding and hope it goes as you had planned it
Gee, after your previous disparaging remarks, the good wishes are a little disconcerting. Somehow I don't think you're entirely sincere.
Comments are now moderated, for obvious reasons. There might be a delay between hitting publish on your comment and seeing it post. In fact, if I don’t like a comment, I might not post it at all. Because – and I bet you know where this is going - it’s my blog.
* the title of this post comes from an awesome mix CD that my friend K made for me shortly after I left Anonymous.
Here’s Anonymous’s original comment, in its entirety, and below is my response.
Reading to the end of that blog was painful, why are you still going on about our marriage, when you know exactly why we got married. Immigration in the UK was a problem for you and you were so disappointed that you couldn’t stay. Sure we said we would marry properly in the future but that future never came. It was very hard to maintain a relationship with someone that completely cut herself off from society.
Unreal that you will be wearing a vera wang dress, thought you would be up for something simpler from the Armani Prive collection. What would an underdressed ‘hills have eyes’ character look like walking up the isle with you.
I only read the posts to see how Interim is doing, she’s fine so stop fussing with the vets, she does it on purpose for attention, the more you fuss the more she will do it. She must be costing you a fortune
It would be nice if you could stop posting about me on a public indexable forum, I have never said anything demeaning about you to anyone, so would expect the same courtesy.
Remember this is your first REAL wedding so treat it that way and look fabulous...
Anyway I wish you all the best with the wedding and hope it goes as you had planned it
Oh hai, anonymous… judging from the content of your comment, Anonymous in this case is my ex husband. I hope you remembered to anonymize the IP address that you were posting from too. Log files and analytics programs, you know. I’m not surprised to see you using Firefox but when did you stop using Linux and go back to Windows?
Reading to the end of that blog was painful,
I have a suggestion for you: stop reading if it causes you pain.
why are you still going on about our marriage,
It’s my blog. I’ll talk about whatever I want. See my suggestion above if you don’t like what I write about.
when you know exactly why we got married. Immigration in the UK was a problem for you and you were so disappointed that you couldn’t stay.
Oh, I see – you married me out of pity, to save me from my disappointment. How noble of you. And here I thought it was because we loved each other. Guess I was mistaken about your motives.
Sure we said we would marry properly in the future but that future never came.
In the intervening years, I’ve learned that if you want a specific event to come to pass, you have to work to make sure it happens. You were never willing to do the work.
It was very hard to maintain a relationship with someone that completely cut herself off from society.
Funny, my recollection of the situation is that you decided to move to New Zealand right after we got married and told me that you were going and I could come or not. This did not leave me a lot of choices. I did move to NZ with you and then … surprise … couldn’t get a job until you got your work permit sorted out. I didn’t cut myself off from society voluntarily, but it is hard to meet new people when you’ve got no job, know not a soul besides your husband who is always at work (or after-work “socializing”), and have no money. Although you dragged your feet on the work permit, you did finally get it sorted and then I was able to get a job. In three weeks. And then once I had a job, I made friends and had a social life. Funnily enough, though, you seem to have forgotten about that – maybe because you hated my friends and thought my job was for shit, though you had no problem spending any money I made from it.
Unreal that you will be wearing a vera wang dress, thought you would be up for something simpler from the Armani Prive collection. What would an underdressed ‘hills have eyes’ character look like walking up the isle with you.
I’m assuming that the “underdressed ‘Hills Have Eyes’ character” comment is a hit at Dave? I'm not familiar with the movie, since one of the nice things about having left you is not having to sit through all those shitty horror movies any more. Your own slack approach to bathing, brushing your teeth, shaving, washing your clothes, etc don’t exactly put you in a position to cast aspersions on anyone else’s sartorial styles.
I only read the posts to see how Interim is doing, she’s fine
If you already know she's fine, why are you bothering to read? Why not go straight to your crystal ball and not inconvenience yourself with all this reading that’s apparently painful for you?
so stop fussing with the vets, she does it on purpose for attention, the more you fuss the more she will do it. She must be costing you a fortune
Oh, you’re right, how deluded I am, thanks for the advice. She must be putting her little paw down her throat to force herself to vomit and that’s why she’s lost so much weight … the only problem is that cats don’t think that way. Crazy manipulative people think that way. YOU think that way.
It would be nice if you could stop posting about me on a public indexable forum
Again: It’s my blog. I’ll talk about what I want. You should stop reading if you don’t want to hear what I have to say.
I have never said anything demeaning about you to anyone, so would expect the same courtesy.
Well, I guess telling me that I’m a stupid cunt who never gets anything right doesn’t count as demeaning. Or maybe I’m not “anyone”, so that's why it doesn’t count as demeaning.
I don’t think you’ve got the right to expect anything at all from me, let alone courtesy. As long as we’re on the courtesy topic, though, I’ll point out that I’ve done you the courtesy of never referring to you by name at all. We never shared a last name so the handful of people in the world who know you and know that you were once married to me AND know how to spell my first and last names could do theoretically do a search and end up on this blog and find out what my opinion of you is, but … I doubt anyone but you really cares.
Remember this is your first REAL wedding so treat it that way and look fabulous...
According to your earlier observations, fabulous isn’t really possible. You should have weighed in earlier about Vera Wang and the groom. Now it’s too late to follow your advice! I'm in floods of tears.
Anyway I wish you all the best with the wedding and hope it goes as you had planned it
Gee, after your previous disparaging remarks, the good wishes are a little disconcerting. Somehow I don't think you're entirely sincere.
Comments are now moderated, for obvious reasons. There might be a delay between hitting publish on your comment and seeing it post. In fact, if I don’t like a comment, I might not post it at all. Because – and I bet you know where this is going - it’s my blog.
* the title of this post comes from an awesome mix CD that my friend K made for me shortly after I left Anonymous.
06 May 2008
notes from underground
On the phone with the nice customer service lady from Macy's, about a part of a wedding present (the icecream maker attachment for a KitchenAid) which had gone astray in the post ...
CS lady: It'll take a few days to get that out to you.
Me: That's fine.
CS lady: So, You understand it will take 5 - 7 days, right?
Me: That's fine.
CS Lady: That's 5 - 7 business days. And that's just to process the return. It will probably take 7 - 10 days to arrive.
Me: I'm getting married in two weeks. I'm not making icecream any time soon. Really. It'll be fine.
CS lady: It'll take a few days to get that out to you.
Me: That's fine.
CS lady: So, You understand it will take 5 - 7 days, right?
Me: That's fine.
CS Lady: That's 5 - 7 business days. And that's just to process the return. It will probably take 7 - 10 days to arrive.
Me: I'm getting married in two weeks. I'm not making icecream any time soon. Really. It'll be fine.
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